A New Year

A grey dawn today, rises to the orchestral swell

Of wind, strings and distant percussion.

There were fireworks in the village and the pub

Heaved with cheers and back-slapping, full of celebration.

Relieved from Crimbo limbo

Morris dancers skipped down the lane

In folksy eccentricity. Grizzling rain.

He carries you with him from old year to new

Head into the weather, shoulders damp with morning dew.

You cannot lose the touch of those who love you

It does not fade, it simply loses significance.

Better dress yourself in the finery of love

And wear it with good grace.

You cannot hide from the hurt you chose to wound with

It follows you, dogged, in all weathers

Across the ringing church bells of time

And the crowded streets of merry making

And the lunacy of mindless devotion.

Embrace it and forgive yourself.

A new year has allowed you to pass into its timid pale light.

You immersed yourself in company, going through the motions

Shadows of the past hiding in the corners of your vision.

The old year, letting you go with silent disapproval

It expected more of you, something still not faced, you fear.

Crossing the midnight minutes with a stubborn refusal to accept, to hear,

He carries you away from this, ignoring your ingratitude

Grunting with each jolting reminder of his burden

No words, no judgement,

Sheer physical determination to carry you onwards.

A chill to freeze beards descends

As he leaves you on your hill of dreams.

Another year spread before you like a luscious carpet of delight

A quilt of all the love bequeathed to you willing to cherish you.

You, shyly hold hands with the nature of all things.

Still coming to terms with yourself.

Whilst he, plods on refusing to give you the answer

The secret to the happiness you seek.

And on this first day of a new year,

A sudden break of blue sky and watery sun

All flute and clarinet, piping briefly

You simply have no choice but to follow

A star, a memory, a purpose, to seek-

A box of unending delight.

You have turned your back on baubles and bangles

You turn Earth and feel her heart beat beneath your feet

You sail seas comforted by the winds salty kisses

And ahead you see him go, having set you down for a while.

You are a lone note, sustained on the jazz piano.

A mellowed solo,

Looking for the haunting breath of the saxophone

To dance with you and make you whole again.

And in the January sale of hopes and dreams

You hide again from the bitter truth of all things.

He will watch your frequent fallen states of grace

He will pick you up, carry you, but he will not speak

He will not. In the dark dusk of a bleak day

You know this year is another chance to make amends

A blank slate, fresh start, a cleanse.

Freedom from the dissatisfaction of your past,

but your pride walks on; silent, brooding, steadfast.

© J L Brain, 2018